Fractal Dreams

Honestly, I don’t know much about G.I. Joe. I wasn’t even born yet when the series launched in 1982. But when you have a brother and a cousin who are die-hard fans of the series, it’s inevitable that I’ll learn about them sooner or later.

I remembered playing with hand-me-downs of the original figures, playing with Snake-eyes, Storm Shadow, Scarlett, Destro, Firefly and a cobra trooper. A lot of them were missing equipment, some were broken, but I didn’t care that much. And I didn’t know who the heck those guys were anyway. So I grew up and eventually forgot about them.

Then sometime along, the SIGMA 6 line appeared, and I thought it was cool, with chock-full of accessories and Centurion (remember that cartoon) –like body armor, and I was in G.I. heaven back again… for a while. Then the uber-large figures felt chunky and cumbersome. They take too much cabinet space, and they changed most of the characters. I mean, what the heck did they do to Tunnel Rat? So I gave up on them again. (But now, I think they’re still cool, though. Too bad the line was canceled.)

Fast forward to 2007. Hasbro revived the old 1980’s line, but this time, with Marvel-Legends like detailing and now standing tall at 4 inches (rather than 3 ¾). Correction: Some figures are 3 3/4 (like ninja Snake Eyes), while some are 4′. I never expected that I’ll be one of the rabid fans looking out for this line. Must be the old childhood memories, and that little old 1984 sticker-book of the animated movies stashed somewhere in my file cabinet. Plus that 1990’s G.I.Joe and the Transformers featuring Snake Eyes comic book. And the Sigma 6 influence. And of course, the old figures themselves.

Ah, nostalgia bites.

Anyway, I’m still starting up my collection, and I only have 6 figures. I’ll review them one-by-one every issue. But in this case, I’ll review 2 almost identical figures:

COBRA ELITE TROOPER: CRIMSON GUARD
(Single Carded and Comic Pack versions)

click pic to enlarge

Crimson Guards or “siegies” for short (a play on CG, get it?) are the elite infantry members of the Cobra Army. One of the requirements of being one is that you have to have a degree in law or accounting. Somehow I knew lawyers were scheming to take over the world, but accountants too?

Siegies are not the usual cannon fodder troops that Cobra Commander just chucks away towards the Joes. They are sent to subvert governments and institutions and make them vulnerable to Cobra control. All undercover, of course. Like their namesake, they don a cool red costume and a full helmet that conceals their entire face, which is faithfully represented in this action figure.

Siegie 1, the single carded version, comes with two weapons: a revolver (which I guess is a .357 magnum, I think), and an M-16 assault rifle with a bayonet attached. Checking out the old figure in the web, the revolver was once a sculpted piece on the old version’s leg, but for this new edition, it is a separate element, and you could holster it in its old location. Sweet. However, the holster in Siegie’s leg hardly looks like one.

When we get to review Iron Grenadier Destro, you’ll see why this sucks. Most of the time, the assault rifle’s bayonet or muzzle is bent out of shape, thanks to the evil packaging demons, but it’s no big deal. Just don’t force it to straighten. He also comes with an updated sculpt of his old backpack, which you still plug into a hole in his back. I prefer not to attach mine, though. Just personal taste, nothing else.

Siegie 2, the comic pack version, is essentially the same as the first one, except that you can take off his helmet and reveal his face. You see, the Siegies are divided into different series, and one lucky siegie will become the series template. The other members of his batch undergo plastic surgery to look like the template version, and they all change their names to their templates. This is to ensure that if one Siegie dies, there will be a replacement to take his place in the community he’s infiltrating. The most famous of the different batches is the “Fred” series, which is based on the character Fred Broca (Kamakura’s Father.). This figure belongs to that group. I saw Kamakura in an online database, and he was a red-head. So why the heck is this Siegie blonde?

In terms of ordnance, Siegie 2 has a M1 Garand instead of an assault rifle, and the usual revolver on his side, and backpack in his back. Also, since this figure is from a comic pack, he comes with another figure, the Scarred Cobra Officer or “Scar Face” (which I’ll review later).

As for joints, the figure has gone into a complete overhaul. The construction is now slightly different, first of all, the figures ditched the waist articulation (and removed the o-ring rubberband that held the top and bottom halves of the figure, which had a tendency to break), and replaced it with a joint in the torso. The figure pretty much moves the same in the arms (the joints in the elbows and shoulders are updated but function the same), and the wrists can now rotate as well. For the thighs, they are still held together to the body by a metal joint inside the pelvis, just like the old one. For the knees, some figures (like Siegie 1 and 2), have double joints, while some have the old traditional single-joint. Also, the feet can now rotate and move up and down, allowing more pose ability options. Truly, the figure has gone through a major update.

And to prove that Hasbro is aware of its own faults, the Siegies (and every figure in the series) comes with a small black stand, with the figure’s code name printed in front. The Siegies can stand on their own depending on the gear they have and the pose they’re in, but sometimes they tip over, so the stand is probably a good idea. For cobra troops, the stand has a raised Cobra logo in its center, a feature I didn’t like. I would’ve preferred a flat surface so the figure can stand with his feet flat on the ground. Instead, one of the Seigie’s feet is slightly raised when posed on it. But then again, his feet were uneven to begin with, anyway.

Final word? Cool update of the classic. If you don’t army build, you can still get two Siegies (the single and comic pack versions) and still get two technically different versions of the figure. You could pose them as guards if you have Cobra Commander, or have them follow Tomax and Xamot (the Crimson Guard commanders, available in a comic pack). Cobra still rules even after 25 years.

click pic to enlarge

NEXT ISSUE: IRON GRENADIER LEADER: DESTRO